GOING GREEN: 10 Drinking Tips for Surviving St. Patrick’s Day (According to Film)

St. Patrick’s Day is upon us. And you’re prepared.

You have a clean, green shirt and, well, that’s it.

Before you embark on this holy day of beer drinking, we figured you could use some pearls of imbibing wisdom from film. That’s why we are answering the burning questions around drinking with what we’ve learned from film.  Below are 10 drinking tips from the movies.

Please read responsibly.

What if I Have to Give a Toast?

Cocktails (1988)
Tip: Come prepared. That means always have a good toast in your back pocket. (Standing on the bar is optional.)
What to Say: “I am the last barman poet / I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make / Americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake / The sex on the beach / The schnapps made from peach / The velvet hammer / The Alabama slammer. / I make things with juice and froth / The pink squirrel / The three-toed sloth. / I make drinks so sweet and snazzy / The iced tea / The kamakazi / The orgasm / The death spasm / The Singapore sling / The dingaling. / America you’ve just been devoted to every flavor I got / But if you want to got loaded / Why don’t you just order a shot? / Bar is open.” – Brian Flanagan

How Do I Drink Responsibly on a Plane?

Bridesmaids (2011)
Tip: When drinking at 30,000 feet, you should find a first class seat and don’t take “no” for an answer.
What to Say: “I’m good. I feel I’m so much more relaxed, thank you Helen. I just feel like I’m excited, and I feel relaxed, and I’m READY to PARTY” – Annie

How Do I Prepare for an Impromptu Scholarly Debate at a Pub?

Good Will Hunting (1997)
Tip: Before entering a college bar, review the syllabus for first year law students at that university. It might delay your arrival but you never know when an intellectual showdown will take place.
What to Say: “See the sad thing about a guy like you, is in about 50 years you’re gonna start doin’ some thinkin’ on your own and you’re gonna come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life. One, don’t do that. And two, you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a f***in’ education you coulda’ got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the Public Library.” – Will Hunting

How Should I Handle Peer Pressure? 

Old School (2003)
Tip: Despite your best effort, you can never just do one.  Don’t fool yourself.
What to Say: “You know what – I’ll do one . . . Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it’s so good!” – Frank the Tank

Should I Call the Girl I Met at the Bar that Same Night?

Swingers (1996)
Tip: No. A strong no.
What Not to Say: “Hi, Nikki, this is Mike again. I just called cuz it sounded like your machine might’ve cut me off when I, before I finished leaving my number. Anyway, uh, . . .” – Mike

My Crush Has a New Date and I’ve been drinking. How Do I React?

Rushmore (1998)
Tip: Take the high road. Avoid making fun of the new date’s profession, attire and hair style.
What Not to Say:
Max Fischer: “I like your nurse’s uniform, guy.
Dr. Peter Flynn: These are O.R. scrubs.
Max Fischer: O, R they?

My Friend Over Indulges in Alcohol – What Should I say before we go out?

Sideways (2004)
Tip: Before entering the bar have a very blunt conversation about how they shouldn’t go to the “dark side.” And make sure they have their meds.
What to Say: “Do not sabotage me tonight? . . . I don’t want you passing out and going to the dark side. No going to the dark side.” – Jack

Will Drinking Interfere with Hiring People?

The Social Network (2010)
Tip: Turns out that you can land some amazing talent with the help of booze. Just don’t spill any tequila on your computers.
What to Say: “Every tenth line of code written, they have to drink a shot.” – Mark Zuckerberg

We’re Going to a Local Dive Bar, What Can I Do to Fit In?

Three Amigos (1986)
Tip: Walk in. Order a shot of tequila. Threaten to kill a man. Then break out into song and dance with “My Little Buttercup.”
What Not to Say: “Excuse us, we’re not Mexicans. We’re from out of town.” – Lucky Day

I’m Feeling Emotional – Should I Start Drinking?

Animal House (1978)
Tip: It’s probably not a good idea.
What Not to Do: Chug a bottle of Jack Daniels and then throw it a parked car.

COMMENTS