CARNAL KNOWLEDGE: 15 Cinematic Sex Tips Based on Your Location


Turns out, it’s different in real life than it is in the movies.

No airbrushed skin.  No scripted pickup lines. No guy in the corner holding a boom mic.

But still, the film industry has provided us with a veritable treasure trove of scenes to analyze, so surely we can glean a few pointers by doing so. Like where two open-minded lovers might choose to, well, you know.

Hence, this: 15 sex tips we learned from the movies based on your location.

Go ahead, dim the lights.

Ted sex scene #1

Grocery Store
 For the sake of the customers, please find a spot in the back away from the free samples. And there’s a 80% chance you’ll get fired.
Cabin in the Woods sex scene #2
 Cabin in the Woods

 Location: The Woods
Intercourse in the woods is great, go for it. Oh, but at least one of you will die. Only try it if you feel lucky. (Pun intended.)
risky_business_train #3
 Risky Business

 Location: Train
Hitting a home run on a train is significantly better when Phil Collins is playing In The Air Tonight. Just try not to miss your stop.
he-s-just-not-that-into-you-hes-just-not-that-into-you-sex scene #4
 He’s Just Not That Into You

 Location: Office
 Tip: Testing out the stability of your office desk is all fun and games until someone (your wife) knocks on your office door.  Maybe choose your marriage partner for this one.
Titanic sex scene #5
Relations in a car on a boat checks two boxes. But the whole iceberg thing really kills the prospect of post coital snuggling. Have a lifejacket on standby.
match-point-sex scene #6
 Match Point

 Location: Field
This is when you’ll want to break out your picnic blanket. Just watch out for sharp rocks, ant hills and field mice.
american pie webcam #7
 American Pie
 The Location: Live on the Internet
 Tip: We recommend avoiding a live feed at all cost.  But, if you do a live stream remember that you only get one take.  No do-overs.
The-Counselor-windshield scene #8
 The Counselor

 Location: Sports Car
You never want to be the odd man out in a three-way. Especially one that involves you, a Ferrari and one really flexible partner. Summary: she might like the car more than you.
ghost sex scene #9
Pottery Room
When using the pottery wheel as your bed, try to do it away from the prying eyes of your pottery class. Pottery wheels + clay + foreplay = very unique vases.
The Notebook sex scene#10
 The Notebook
In The Rain
Going for it in the rain is a lot like doing it in the shower. Except it’s roomier and you’re less inclined to slip.
forgetting sara marshall #11
 Forgetting Sarah Marshall

 Location: Hotel
Keep it down to a respectable level around your hotel neighbors, especially when you’re sharing a wall with your ex. Things can escalate fast.
American Psycho Halloween #12
 American Psycho

 Location: Penthouse
A NYC penthouse is a breathtaking spot to express how you truly feel.  Just… be on the lookout for axes and falling chainsaws. (They’re real mood killers.)
eyes wide shut sex scene #13
 Eyes Wide Shut
 Location: Party
If you go to a party and put on a mask then anything goes. You’ve been warned.
unfaithful bathroom scene #14

With a little teamwork, zero inhibition and a general disregard for hygiene, you too can perform a quickie in the restaurant bathroom.
brokeback_mountain #15
 Brokeback Mountain
 Location: Tent 
Hold off on the bug spray until you’ve done the deed. It is a repellent, after all.

For more memorable movie moments, check out TheTake’s 10 awkward movie scenes.