The Official Academy Awards are this weekend, but more importantly, TheTake’s 2016 Movie Awards are right now.
We’re sure this weekend’s Oscars will be a perfectly lovely ceremony.
Leo will finally get a statue, some costume designer will cry and thank her mom…you know the drill.
But let’s get to what you really care about: robots, sunglasses, cars…and leather jackets.
Here are the 20 real winners from last year’s best movies:
Best Martial Artist T-Shirt Worn by a Billionaire: Bruce Lee Gung Fu Scratch Shirt in Avengers: Age of Ultron
Honorary Award for Excellence in Bikini-Wearing: Jess Barrett (Margot Robbie) in Focus
Best Vehicle for the Transportation of Male Strippers: Rolls Royce Phantom Coupe in Magic Mike XXL
Special Achievement in Eyesight Obstruction Technology: Silk Blindfold in Fifty Shades of Grey
Outstanding Performance by a Fire-Spewing Guitar-Player: Doof Warrior in Mad Max: Fury Road
Best Spherical Robotic Companion: BB-8 in Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Best Ensemble Performance of Biceps, Triceps and Abdominal Muscles: Adonis (Michael B. Jordan) in Creed
Outstanding Performance by a Knife Sheath: Hero Knife Sheath in Jurassic World
Best Performance as a Martian Landscape: Wadi Rum Desert, Jordan in The Martian
Stand Out Performance as a Restaurant Serving NBA Champion LeBron James: Barbuto NYC in Trainwreck
Best Use of an NWA Hat in a Concert Scene: NWA Cap in Straight Outta Compton
Best Leading Sunglasses in a Spy Thriller: Thierry Lasry Sunglasses in The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Dopest 90’s Air Jordan Sneakers: Nike Air Jordans in Dope
Lifetime Achievement Award for Timekeeping: Tissot Chronograph Watch in Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation
Best Use of a Crop Top in an Acapella Comedy: Forever 21 Varsity Crop Top in Pitch Perfect 2
Best Use of a Velvet Gown in a Drama About Immortality: Red Velvet Keyhole Gown in The Age of Adeline
Best Use of an Umbrella in an Action Sequence: Wood-Handle Umbrella in Kingsman: The Secret Service
Best Supporting Performance in the Trenchcoat Category: Martin Grant Trenchcoat in The Intern
Tom Ford Product of the Year: Tom Ford Bomber Jacket in Spectre
Special Achievement in Skyscraper Jumping: Lykan Hypersport Coup in Furious 7